Christmas is a time for joy, laughter, and celebration. What better way to get into the holiday spirit than with some hilarious Christmas jokes? Here are ten festive funnies to share with family and friends, guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
Imagine arriving at the pearly gates on Christmas Eve, only to be challenged by Saint Peter. Three men must prove their Christmas spirit to gain entry into heaven. The first man pulls out a match and says, “This is a Christmas candle.” Saint Peter is impressed. The second man jingles some keys and says, “These are Christmas bells.” Saint Peter nods in approval. The third man pulls out a pair of red underwear and says, “These are Carol’s.” Saint Peter is perplexed, to say the least.
After a night of revelry at the company Christmas party, Paul wakes up with a pounding headache and a mysterious black eye. His wife has left him a sweet note and a rose, but Paul is confused. His son explains that Paul had gotten drunk, broken the coffee table, and given himself the black eye. Paul asks why everything is so perfect, and his son replies, “You told Mom to leave you alone and that you were married!”
A soldier recalls his worst Christmas ever, when he spent an entire week peeling potatoes. When asked what he had wanted for Christmas, the soldier replies, “A new sergeant.” Sometimes, the best gifts are the ones we don’t ask for.
In a monastery, a monk named David has spent years copying old manuscripts. Just before Christmas, he discovers a misprint that changes everything. The word “celibate” was actually supposed to be “celebrate.” David is overcome with emotion, realizing that his life’s work has been based on a mistake.
A father calls his son in Sydney to announce that he and his mother are getting a divorce. The son is shocked and begs his father to wait until he arrives. But it’s all a ruse – the father just wants his kids to come home for Christmas, and he’s willing to fake a divorce to get them there.
A man is put on trial for doing his Christmas shopping early. When asked what time he started shopping, the man replies, “Before the store opened.” The judge asks, “How did you manage that?” The man says, “I broke in.” Sometimes, enthusiasm can get the better of us.
At the airport, a gruff traveler is annoyed by the mistletoe above the luggage scale. The airline attendant tells him, “That’s not for kissing – it’s for saying goodbye to your luggage.” A clever twist on a holiday tradition.
A young boy writes a letter to Santa, but his mother tells him to write to Jesus instead. The boy comes up with a clever plan, grabbing the Mary statue from the nativity scene and writing, “Dear Jesus, if you want to see your mother again…” A creative solution to a holiday dilemma.
A pastor’s son asks for a car for Christmas, citing biblical figures with long hair as his reason for not cutting his locks. His father replies, “Yes, but did you notice they walked everywhere?” A witty response to a clever argument.
Finally, a husband loses his wife at the mall on Christmas Eve and frantically calls her. She tells him she’s in the lingerie store next to the jewelry store where he had admired an expensive watch years ago. The husband’s eyes light up, thinking he’s in for a romantic surprise. But his wife just wants to tease him – after all, the best gifts are the ones we don’t expect.
