The holiday season is upon us, and what better way to get into the spirit than with some festive humor? These ten Christmas jokes are sure to bring laughter and cheer to your holiday celebrations.
From the pearly gates to the airport, and from mistletoe to lingerie stores, these jokes cover it all. Whether you’re looking for a quick laugh or a funny story to share with family and friends, you’ll find something to suit your taste.
So grab a cup of hot chocolate, settle in, and get ready to laugh with these holiday jokes. From a monk’s misprint to a husband’s misunderstanding, these stories are sure to bring a smile to your face.
As the holiday season is a time for joy, laughter, and giving, these jokes are the perfect gift to share with others. So go ahead, spread some Christmas cheer, and have a joyful, humorous, and happy holiday season!
Heaven’s gates are not always as heavenly as they seem. Three men arrive at the pearly gates, and St. Peter challenges them to show something that represents Christmas. The first man pulls out a match and says, “This is a Christmas candle.” The second man jangles some keys and says, “These are Christmas bells.” The third man pulls out a pair of red underwear and says, “These are Carol’s.”
A husband wakes up after a company Christmas party, feeling drowsy and confused. He finds a rose, two aspirin, and a glass of water on his nightstand, and a note from his wife saying she’s left early to buy groceries. But when he talks to his son, he discovers that his wife didn’t leave early – she’d been planning to divorce him, but their children convinced her to wait until after Christmas.
A soldier discusses his past Christmases with a fellow soldier. He remembers one year when he spent an entire week peeling potatoes. When asked what he’d asked for that Christmas, he replies, “A new sergeant.”
A monk has been copying old manuscripts for years. One day, he’s tasked with verifying the accuracy of the copies. But as he’s reviewing the manuscripts, he discovers a shocking error – the word “celibate” was actually supposed to be “celebrate.”
A father calls his son in Sydney to inform him that he and his mother are getting a divorce. But the son is shocked and begs his father to wait until he arrives. The father then turns to his wife and says, “Well, that takes care of our Christmas plans. The kids are coming, and they’re paying their own way.”
A man is put on trial for doing his Christmas shopping early. When asked what he’s accused of, he replies, “I was just doing my Christmas shopping.” The judge asks, “What time did you start?” The man replies, “Before the store opened.”
As a man waits at the airport, he notices some mistletoe hanging over the luggage scale. An airline attendant tells him, “That mistletoe isn’t for kissing – it’s for saying goodbye to your luggage.”
A young boy writes a letter to Santa, but his mother tells him to write to Jesus instead. The boy thinks for a moment, then writes, “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…” and includes a picture of Mary from a nativity scene.
A pastor’s son asks his father for a car for Christmas. The father replies, “You’ve done well with your studies, but I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.” The son replies, “Dad, in the Bible, Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.” The father responds, “Yes, but did you notice they all walked everywhere?”
A husband loses his wife while shopping at a mall. He calls her, frantic, and she replies, “Do you remember that jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you wanted? The one I promised to get you someday?” He replies, “Yes, I remember.” She says, “Well, I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
