I m about to…

Author Jordan Rose has always believed in fairytales – but her own story, while deeply romantic, does not follow the traditional ending.

The 32-year-old is engaged to Chris, 35, following a proposal that could have come straight from the pages of a novel: a fake charity ball, a white dress, a winter sunset, candles, flowers and a decorated swing in her parents’ meadow. 

Yet when the couple marry in May 2027, Jordan will not be moving into Chris’s home in Crystal Palace, south-east London – and he will not be moving into hers in Kent. The couple do not want to live together… ever.

Here, Jordan reveals exactly why the set-up is perfect for her… 

I am deeply in love with my fiancé, Chris. We’re planning our wedding for next spring, and I cannot wait to become his wife.

But after we say our vows, I will return to my home in Kent, and Chris will return to his in Crystal Palace, south-east London. I do not want to live with him, not now, and not even when we marry.

We are not separating. We are not unsure. We are not any less committed. In fact, I believe living apart is one of the reasons our relationship works so well. 

I own my own house. Chris owns his. We are about a 50-minute drive apart, and that gives us the best of both worlds.

We see each other every week, usually at weekends, although it depends on work and social plans. Sometimes I stay at his for longer if I have a lot on in London. Other times, he comes to me for a countryside weekend.

We do not normally spend longer than about ten days apart. We text all day, every day. We call, voice note and tell each other everything we are doing.

But after a few days together, we each go back to our own homes. And honestly, we love it.

Chris and I first met around ten years ago at university. We were both in show choir, which still makes me laugh. It was one of those ridiculous, romantic ‘eyes meeting across a crowded room’ moments at a fancy dress social. I was dressed as Rapunzel. He was dressed as Robin Hood.

There was definitely something there, but we were both in relationships at the time, so nothing happened.

Then, around four years ago, he messaged me on Instagram and said he had always wanted to ask me out since those days at university.

From our first date, I knew he was different. With other men, even when I fancied them, there was always a little anxiety. With Chris, I never had that. I have always said he gives me a sense of peace that no one else ever has. From the beginning, it felt like calm waters.

Before Chris, I had lived with two previous partners. Those relationships ended for different reasons, but even when they were going well, I realised something about myself: I do not enjoy living with a partner. 

I have never liked the feeling of having someone in my space all the time. I am fiercely independent. I love my own home. I need time alone to reset.

People often say, ‘But surely if it is the right person, living together would feel different?’

I understand why they ask that. But for me, it is not about whether Chris is the right person. He is. It is about knowing myself well enough to admit that even with the right person, I do not think I am built for constant cohabitation in a small space.

My house has two bedrooms, and one of them is my wardrobe. Chris lives in London, where space is limited. Unless we had a five-bedroom house where we could each have proper space of our own, I do not think either of us would have the room we need. Luckily, Chris feels the same.

The conversation came up early in our relationship, probably within the first couple of months. We were talking about how we had both lived with partners before, and neither of us had particularly enjoyed the experience.

I remember saying, ‘Well, why don’t we just not live together?’ Because when you really break it down, who says you have to?

There are usually three reasons couples move in together: social expectation, finances and children. We do not want children, so that reason does not apply to us. Financially, we are both fine independently. We can afford to keep our own homes and understand what a privilege that is. And socially, we do not really care what people think.

So we asked ourselves: why would we do it?

I think I was the one who first said, ‘But, why do we have to live together?’ And Chris basically said, ‘You’re right. We don’t.’

That might sound flippant, but I meant it. To me, marriage does not automatically mean you have to merge every practical part of your life.

It does not have to mean one front door, one bathroom, one bedroom or one daily routine. For us, marriage is a vow of love. It is the knowledge that we are choosing each other forever, no matter where we are.

Chris always says, ‘We are big fans of what works. And this works.’ Thankfully, our engagement did not change that.

When Chris proposed, it was the most romantic moment of my life.

I thought we were going to an army charity ball. My dad used to be in the army, and Chris had even gone as far as having a fake invitation designed and sent to me months before.

We drove to my parents’ house, where I got ready for what I believed was a white-tie, snowball-themed event. That is why I was wearing white.

But when I came downstairs, I noticed my mum had put my shoes by the back door instead of the front. I remember thinking, ‘Something is weird.’

A few minutes later, Chris suggested we go and watch the sunset in the meadow behind my parents’ house. It is a beautiful spot where we have often gone together, and that December evening had the most stunning winter sky.

As soon as we walked outside, I saw a camera. That was the moment I knew.

Then I saw the swing decorated with flowers. There were candles, a fire pit and a sofa covered in blankets. I completely lost it. I just laughed and laughed for about ten minutes.

Chris gave a speech, but honestly, I barely heard a word. I was so overwhelmed that I completely blanked out. Thankfully, he had recorded the whole thing, so I was able to watch it back afterwards and finally hear what he had said.

All I really remember from the moment itself is him asking me to marry him, and me saying yes. It was perfect.

But afterwards, there was no dramatic conversation about whether I would now move in with him, or whether he would move in with me. It was already completely understood that nothing would change.

Some friends and family have asked, of course. People say, ‘So where will you live after the wedding?’ I just tell them the truth: we are staying as we are.

The reactions usually go one of two ways. Some people completely get it. Often, they are people who already live with their partners, and they say things like, ‘Oh my God, I love it when my partner goes away and I have the house to myself.’

And I think, yes, exactly. We get that whenever we want.

Other people think it is weird. Someone once said to me, ‘Why would you even want to get married if you don’t want to live together?’ But I do not see the correlation. I am confident enough in our relationship to know we love each other immensely without needing to prove it by sharing a bathroom.

Practically, married life will look very similar to our life now. We both keep things at each other’s houses. I have toiletries and clothes at his, and he has things at mine.

I still pack a bag every time I go to see him, because I am a fashion girl and I like having options. Some people would hate the idea of packing a bag to see their husband. I actually enjoy it.

When I go to see Chris, I do my hair and make-up and put on a nice outfit, even if we are not going out. He makes an effort too.

Then, when we are in our own homes, we can both go back to being our normal gremlin selves. No makeup. No effort. Just relaxing. And because of that, I still get excited to see him.

We have been together three and a half years, but I honestly still feel like we are in the honeymoon period. I think part of that is because we have time to miss each other.

We have been on holiday together for around two and a half weeks at a time and loved it. Being together for longer periods is not a problem.

But holiday is different from normal life. On holiday, you are not dealing with the same tiny irritations, chores and habits that build up when someone is constantly in your space.

For example, I sometimes leave my used contact lenses on the side of Chris’s bath, which annoys him. He leaves my bathroom lights on, which annoys me.

But because we do not live together full-time, it never reaches boiling point. It stays small. It stays funny. It does not turn into resentment.

Of course, there are ordinary, unromantic moments in every relationship. If one of us is ill, we look after each other. I was unwell recently and went to his, and he took care of me until I felt better.

If one of us has had a bad day, we call, text, voice note or make plans to see each other. Sometimes he comes home from work and I am there, and we have those little domestic moments too. I might cook, or he might cook.

The difference is that it is not a fixed routine every single day. It changes week by week, and I think that variety keeps things fresh.

Some people have asked whether I worry about Chris cheating because we do not live together. Honestly, no.

Men cheat on wives they live with all the time. People do not need physical space to cheat. They just need to be a cheater. I have had previous partners cheat while sitting next to me at my own birthday party. Someone can betray you while they are in the same room as you.

I do recognise that Chris and I are very lucky to be able to make this choice. Not everyone can afford to live separately from their partner, even if they would like to. For many couples, finances make cohabiting necessary. We are fortunate that we can be independent. I am very aware of that privilege.

As for whether we will live separately forever, I think we will take life as it comes.

We do not want children, so there is no plan to move in together to co-parent. But I also know life changes. When we are older, there may be health issues or circumstances that mean living together makes more sense. Maybe in our 70s or 80s, we will decide we need each other more physically present than we do now.

If that happens, we will adapt. I will have to deal with him leaving the bathroom lights on, and he will have to deal with my contact lenses. We will suck it up like every other couple. But right now, this is what makes us happy.

Not every marriage needs to follow the same cookie-cutter ideal. Not every couple needs one house, one bedroom and one daily routine to prove they are committed.

For us, commitment is about choosing each other. Loving each other. Trusting each other. And building a future in a way that actually works for us.

I am marrying the love of my life. I just do not need to live with him to know that.

Jordan Rose is preparing for the release of her debut adult fantasy novel, The Library of Stars, in summer 2027